What Do You Pay Attention To?

I once heard a quote that was the following … “pay attention to what you are paying attention to”. It seems like the word attention is used a lot in this brief, yet powerful sentence. What does it mean to you?

Research has shown that your attention determines the experiences you have, and the experiences you have determine the life you live. It sounds so simple. As I thought about the quote more, I started to list what things I pay the most attention to. I will not bore you or embarrass myself in sharing my list but I admit to being disappointed.

The feeling of disappointment is not bad, unless I let it consume me and stay in the negative. I can instead use the feeling of disappointment to encourage change. I cannot eliminate the feeling of disappointment. I cannot control the weather. I cannot control other people. I can choose to try my best to control what I do when disappointment comes to visit me. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s tough.

So why was I disappointed? I looked at my list honestly and realized that many of the things I was paying attention to did not bring much value to my life. Creating my “attention list” is not just a list of how you spend your time. It goes much deeper. I may spend time on social media but that does not necessarily mean I am paying attention to it. My mindless scrolling is not very attentive. It is more going blank and vegging out so to speak.

What I realized is that I was not paying attention to very much. I was “doing things”. My to do list was huge and there were many check marks but what was I really paying attention to?

You are not going to get a lecture here. Every person’s life is different. Priorities are different, life stages, health and wealth are different.

As I write this, I am looking out my work window and I see a young dad with his two kids. They are riding their bikes. The youngest, a toddler, is sitting on a special seat that has been welded on to his dads bike. The older child, a girl, is riding her bike alongside dad. I am guessing she is probably 5-6.

I do not know their destination or motive but I do imagine that that father chose to pay attention to his children this morning. He definitely was paying attention to the traffic and making sure his children were safe but he was also paying attention to them. By choosing to spend time with them in a very intimate way, his son completely trusting him. If dad is not there, balancing with every peddle, this little boy falls. This little one is not thinking about that. He innately knows that dad is “paying attention”. He can feel dad’s breath on the back of his neck as he peddles up hill. He can feel his touch as dad points to a certain object. He hears dad’s laugh and calming influence as they come to a stop sign.

What if we all had someone in our life that paid such careful attention to us so that we could feel safe and free?

Do the young people in our lives feel that type of attention from us? For this young boy the first time on the bike was probably scary. He is up high. He is moving fast. He is not in control. However, he is having the time of his life. The attention to the necessary details for the experience have been put in place. The boy is wearing a helmet. He has a special seat that assures he will not fall off. He is in front, not behind. He has a perfect view of what lies ahead.

Many of our youth do not have anything that is mentioned above. Thousands of voices and images that do not have their best interest in-mind distort their view of the world. They do not feel safe or free but they do not even know it. Will this be the first generation raised by AI (artificial intelligence)? You may laugh at the absurdity of my though process but I see it already happening.

Please do not allow technology, the good and the bad, take away the great privilege of paying attention to your children or the other loves ones in your life.

Most likely, with the end of school and start of summer, many of you will have the opportunity to spend more time with the significant people in your life. What will the next 3-months hold for you and them? It does not have to be filled with adventure and expensive trips. It can be filled with time and attention. Neither of those cost money. They do require an adjustment in priorities and attention.

I am accepting my own challenge of paying closer attention to what I am paying attention to. I know it will be a challenge because I have some tendencies that will need to be adjusted. I ask you to join me. I am scared and excited all at the same time. Good luck!

This is a Debby's Dear Diary entry from June 2023 written by Debby Jones.